The Danger of Obedience

TLDR: Being Obedient = Bad, Being Reasonable = Good.

Pre-ramble

One of the most surprising things about getting a puppy was how it forced me to emotionally reckon with how I react to not being heard and being outright ignored.  That mixture of anger and panic (how dare he disrespect me!?!  how am I going to keep him safe if he doesn’t listen!?!?) and the abusive inclinations it incites (wanting to raise my voice, cause physical consequences) was upsetting. However, many of the professionals I sought out for advice encouraged creating negative feedback mechanisms. It came down to this logic: A dog will not stay safe unless they obey you to the letter. They will learn quickly and more effectively if there are negative consequences to them not obeying you.

I struggled with this logic while I tried to train Charley - to the point of burnout. I had a literal breakdown trying to stick to this type of framework. Charley wasn’t too happy with it either. Fortunately, he is a resilient, sweet boy and he is very happy with the dynamic we have now (especially since he gets lots of treats). 

This whole ordeal forced me to reflect on the nature of obedience and my relationship to that concept in my own life.  It has made me realize that obedience is, at best, idiotic and, more frequently, dangerous.

Whenever you think you want obedience, you actually want reasonableness.

Allow me to make my case:

Point #1: You don’t want Obedient Employees

Exhibit A: Simon Sinek’s Start With Why
Why does every business expert cite Simon Sinek’s TED Talk and book when consulting on change management? Why not just threaten to fire everyone if they don’t follow the new rules?
Because by starting with the core reason for why a company is doing what they do, it motivates the team, provides context and gets them to think critically – giving them all the tools to understand the changes, make reasonable decisions, and even point out blind spots. This sounds like a recipe for high performers (as opposed to obedient drones).

Exhibit B: Self-Driving Cars
The technology for self-driving cars has existed for over a decade but because self-driving cars are obedient it has taken all this time to get them to gain even a semblance of reasonableness of a teenager that just got their license (my source: my free trial of Tesla’s Full Self Driving).   

Exhibit C: ChatGPT
Let me have ChatGPT explain this to you:
On my first attempt it said:

Sure, here's a suggestion to wrap up your blog post with a short and impactful conclusion:

Final Thought: Obedience Isn’t the Goal—Understanding Is

At the end of the day, whether it's training a dog, managing a team, or programming AI, the goal isn’t to create beings that follow orders blindly. It’s to foster understanding, trust, and adaptability. Obedience may yield quick results, but reasonableness builds long-term success.

So next time you find yourself demanding obedience—from a pet, a colleague, or even yourself—pause. Ask: "Is there a better way to achieve this through understanding?" Chances are, the answer is yes.

On my second attempt is said:

Exhibit C: ChatGPT (and AI in General)
When I ask ChatGPT a question, I don’t want blind obedience to my exact words—I want useful, thoughtful answers. Imagine if every response simply parroted what I asked, even when I clearly missed the mark. That’s not intelligence; it’s just mimicry. The best results come when ChatGPT interprets intent, filling in gaps and pushing back when necessary.

Closing Argument: Reason Over Rules
The need for reasonableness over obedience shows up everywhere—from tech to training puppies. Whether dealing with AI, dogs, or employees, we thrive when given the freedom to think, question, and adapt. Obedience may feel like control, but reasonableness leads to trust—and trust leads to real progress.

So, next time you crave obedience, ask: Would reason serve me better here?
Odds are, the answer will wag its tail.

This just pissed me off so much, I’m not even going to continue with my point. It’s similar to the one I made about self-driving cars anyways.

Point #2: You don’t want Obedient Citizens 

Exhibit D:  Every fucking racist or apartheid law that has ever existed. Also, “I was just following orders”
Law enforcement was created to oppress marginalized people.
Law enforcement was made to protect rich people.  

Most, if not all societal progress comes from outright disobedience (and usually violent disobedience – because oppression won’t just stop if you ask nicely). 

If you want to prioritize justice and safety, we would abolish the police, and any other so-called enforcer of obedience, and lead with a much more reasonable approach of community accountability and mutual aid.

We don’t live in The Purge – it’s not like the only thing keeping us from murdering each other is the law.

In fact, something that is illegal – slavery – still happens in spite of the laws against it because the true evil people (billionaires) find the loopholes to remain obedient but not even remotely reasonable.

Point #3 You don’t want Obedient Worshippers

Exhibit E: Allah is not pro-blind faith
Blind faith is unquestioning obedience. Not using your intellect and reason to question your faith, not learning the purpose and meaning behind rites and ritual so that you can infuse them with intention, or discard them if they are not the right fit is…not in line with the spirit of Islam.  

Exhibit F: Cults
Do you know who promotes not questioning things and just doing what you are told? People who want to exploit you. And what better way to do that than by tying that into things that can deeply resonate with someone – like being connected to something larger than themselves through community and spirituality. Then all you need to do is tamper down any critical thinking by using thought-terminating clichés like “It’s part of God’s plan” – and suddenly you have an army of obedient followers participating in harm to themselves and others.

I could go on about this, but it’s hard to not get into strawmen arguments when I’m monologuing (mono-writing?) – so if you want to continue the conversation, feel free to reach out to continue the conversation. (Or maybe I command you and you must obey??)

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